The Gifts of Imperfection

Showing up for others is something I care about, but it’s very easy to lose sight of my own needs in trying so hard to meet expectations. That’s one of the things that resonated with me while reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. She writes about the meaning of living wholeheartedly and embracing who we are, shifting focus away from who we think we’re supposed to be.

Wholehearted Living

When Brown writes about living wholeheartedly, she explains that it’s about believing that we are worthy of love and belonging without having to earn it. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we always need to be doing more, accomplish more, make more money, or become better versions of ourselves. It can be exhausting to always measure our progress and treat ourselves as a work in progress that isn’t quite good enough yet. Personal growth doesn’t always have to come from a place of inadequacy. We can want more for ourselves while still appreciating who we are right now. We can acknowledge the things we’d like to work on without making them reasons to criticize ourselves. Brown tells us that wholehearted living is about allowing ourselves to experience life as it is rather than waiting until we’ve figured everything out to feel worthy of it.

Belonging vs. Fitting In

Brown also makes an important distinction between fitting in and belonging. Fitting in often requires us to adjust ourselves to meet people’s expectations while belonging means showing up as we genuinely are. Wanting to be understood and fear of rejection can sometimes become so consuming that many people spend more energy explaining themselves, holding back opinions, minimizing their own feelings, ignoring their own needs. Prioritizing belonging rather than fitting and maintaining connection can look like

• caring about people without taking responsibility for their emotions,
• expressing needs without apologizing for them,
• making room for others to show up as they are
• being curious about their experiences
• communicating honestly
• allowing relationships to grow through mutual understanding rather than constant agreement.
• accepting that sometimes people will misunderstand you, and that’s ok.

This book is a good reminder that belonging begins with being comfortable enough to show up as ourselves, putting our values at the forefront. We don’t have to abandon parts of who we are to be accepted and we don’t have to be someone else to be worthy of meaningful relationships.